Pretty Maids All In A Row

Horray!

Wow! I’m published! Go to the Girlistic magazine website and download a copy of the first issue! I didn’t screw it up! It realy worked! I know, I’m a dork, but I have a right to be excited and happy and acting like a dork because I’m published in something besides a friend’s zine. (No offense)

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am going to pig out today! Hope you do the same!

Then, tomorrow, I’m going to get all of my Christmas shopping done. No ifs ands or buts.

To hell with it!

Oka, the show had a short run. Only a week and I never have to deal with those people again. The timing is good because last night I started writing a novel. A real-deal novel. i don’t know if it’ll be any good, but I’m gonna write it. I was thinking about the author I interviewed a while back both for a new magazine and for here on this blog and I was thinking about when I sked her about how she wrote and why she wrote and all of that and it occurred to me that she’s just like everyone else. She used to be poor and pissed off and stressed out and stuff. In other words, she used to be me. Me. Here. So, she said she just used to sit and let her brain dump words and soon it would start to flow and make sense and be good. So, I did that and I was so happy I emailed her in the middle of the night and told her everything. (Hope she doesn’t steal my idea!) She wrote back (she’s really cool and down-to-earth) and congratulated me and I had a feeling like there wasn’t any reason why I couldn’t publish it. I mean, millions of books are out int he world. Why can’t mine mbe out there too? So, in my feverish effort here, I am going to make it all work if it kills me. Maybe I’ll blog less, maybe I’ll blog more. But, I’m going to make it all work.

That was so dramatic. Damnit, I’m no better than those stupid actors. Shit.

What did I do?

My frind who I am stage managing for is quickly not becoming my friend. Plunk her in a theater and she’s a pain in the ass. Fucking actors, man. These people are not only crazy but eating every moment of my free time and I want to flip out. I need a booty call. That would straighten everything out. Right. Well, it would at least make me feel better. At least for a minute.

Ha!

Okay, the ghost writing gig fell through. The guy got an admin job and kicked the project to the trash, which I find both a relief and very funny. So, in all my free time (right), I agreed to stage manage a friend’s show. I’m new to it sort of but I think it’ll be fun. Very grassroots and it’s a pretty funny show. I don’t see how I could screw it up, right? So I might as well.

Ghost write?

So, I got that website thing finished and the two people who were fighting all the time are out of my sight. I was blad for the paycheck and the work and everything but they were bothering me with the love/hate shit.

Anyway, don’t laugh. I told myself that I would accept any freelance work that came in and so I have agreed to ghost write a book about a guy trying to be a thug. What have I done? This reminds me of that movie CB4– suburban rich kids trying to be street. Oh well. It’s work. I dont care. I’m going to work on it for a bit, be back later.

PS-Happy Birthday to Heather!

What’s up?

Hey, what’s up? You know that expression, ask and you will receive? That’s like what happened to me. I thought blogging would be a great idea to write regularly and to put my ideas into the world and let them percolate, but shit man, I got killed with writing assignments! Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool and everything but I feel like a jerk that I’ve totally not posted anything in such a long time. Anyway, I got it all done so I’m back!

Readers, meet Amy Guth. Amy Guth, meet my readers.

Okay, here it is. The super-happy-lucky-fun virtual book tour stop with Amy Guth, author of Three Fallen Women. I had the pleasure of meeting her and hanging out a little and, between me and you, I am quickly becoming her biggest fan.

Here, I set out to ask her about some things that maybe we all wanted to know but weren’t asking and something different from the questions she’s probably asked all the time. If you read her blog, which you should, you can’t help but get the sense she’s a nerd, dying to break out and discuss everything nerdalicious, so, I tried to give her the space to do just that. So, forgive me for not asking much about her book. Plenty have already, and plenty will continue.

So, without anything more, I give you, Amy Guth!

PM: What is your favorite thing to do with a tomato?

AG: Give it to someone else! I love the scent of tomato plants, and I like pasta sauce and ketchup and salsa, but the thought of eating a raw tomato by itself creeps me out. No way. Not going to happen. Oh, but if you burn yourself, chop a tomato in half and press the gooey insides onto the burned area for a while. It helps, I promise you. Something about the lycopene and citric acid combo delivers a one-two-punch to help minimize blistering after a burn.

PM: Can you cook?

AG: I have to pat myself on the back here. I am a great cook and enjoy it. I used to really love, then I hated it for a while, but I’ve settled into a nice zen feeling about it. I really get a kick out of inviting people over, cooking, eating, drinking wine and just hanging out. It makes for a low-key and fun night.

PM: What is the worst injury you’ve ever managed or the best scar you have?

AG: Two answers. I have a vaguely arrow-shaped scar on my leg from being accidentally burned by an iron. The heating elements inside this particular iron were down the center and along the edges, so it made an arrow. The worst injury is probably the PCL, knee-cap and hip injury I got in a car accident a few years ago. It was, as I like to say, ungood all around, other than it gave me a lot of time to read.

PM: I understand you are into genealogy? How do you do that?

AG: I am! I have helped friends with their projects, but I mostly work on my own family lines as a hobby. It’s a very patient hobby, as it involves research, letter writing, guesswork and keeping meticulous records. but, when you make a connection finally, it’s totally worth it. It appeals to the part of my inner-child that was always into Nancy Drew. Only, at the end, everyone doesn’t laugh and return the, whatever, the stolen cuckoo-clock to its owner. In the end, you are tracking down, well, dead people.

PM: What is your favorite element on the periodic table?

AG: Iron because it reminds me of a funny story. My friend and I were once in a bar in Santa Fe, New Mexico with a group of people. One of the women in the group asked, “What is Santa Fe? What does it mean?” My friend said, “I think it’s the patron saint of Iron”, referring, of course, to iron being represented on the periodic table as “Fe”. She and I began howling with laughter and, um, probably pushing our glasses up at the nose, too, but the rest of the group looked at us like we insane. Eh, so be it. We laughed.

PM: Favorite thing to do in a bookstore?

AG: Ohhh, I could sit in a bookstore and read all day, and, frequently, do just that. Ahh… lately, I sneak “Three Fallen Women” bookmarks into other books my potential readers might be buying, too. I only got busted once, but the sales associate who busted me thought it was fun and helped a little! I hope he doesn’t get fired because I admitted that.

PM: Favorite thing to do in a thirift store?

AG: Dig for vintage clothes. I love them. After that, I dig through the formalwear, because even a really dated dress is still made from yards and yards of beautiful fabric sometimes. I’ve salvaged loads of vintage fabric and clothes in thrift stores.

PM: Do you have any music on vinyl?

AG: I certainly do! My turntable broke, so that’s on my “to purchase” list, but, yes, I have vinyl and love it.

PM: Why are you so vague about gender and sexuality questions?

AG: Because I just don’t think it matters. If I had any other job, nobody would ever ask. Can you imagine demandig, say, your dentist, tell you about their gender identity or their sexuality? Of course not. So, what does it matter? Also, I’ve thought for many years that gender identity is so tricky and so under-discussed. Sex is what is between your legs, gender is what is between your ears. Yes, that is true. But, by setting up definitions of what is “masculine gender stuff” and “feminine gender stuff”, even if only categorizing things based on definitions we acknowledge as antiquated, we still perpetuate those definitions. And, people are so eager to label everything or they can’t seem to understand it, so I have been into refusing gender definitions in general lately.

PM: What is the number one enemy of feminism today?

AG: Women. I see really little girls sexualizing themselves and falling into this “girl power” bullshit trap and it doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, we learn to be women from female role models in our lives, so if we see our roles models basing their value on their exterior, not say, their abilities, compassion and intellect, well, then we have no reason to feel any connection to, or value within, those things as adults. If we don’t command respect, at least on some level, by having self-respect and taking care of ourselves, then it’s unreasonable to expect that our partners to respect us and treat us well, and it’s even more unreasonable to expect our daughters to grow up and be much different.

PM: Do you get along with your Dad?

AG: Absolutely. My dad is a a funny guy. I think we understand each other really well because we think a lot alike and I know I learned a lot about constructing my life the way I want it to be from him.

PM: You seem pretty together, thoughtful and tough. What are you absolutely not tough about?

AG: Needles in veins. Man, I can barely talk about this without feeling woozy. Seriously. I hate having to give blood and avoid it at all costs. And, when I do have to give blood, I cry and feel fragile for days. It’s so stupid and so humiliating, but, try as I might to rid myself of this, I think it is part of me. The weird part is that I used to be fine with it all as a kid and it’s only as an adult that it’s become an issue, and an issue that has become worse over time. Sigh…

PM: What vacation would you like to repeat?

AG: A couple of years ago, I went to Anguilla, a tiny island only acessible by boat, in the British West Indies. It was beautiful and not spoiled by touristy flashiness. I’d go back in a heartbeat.

PM: Do you speak any other languages?

AG: I used to have a really good grasp on French and Spanish, but I haven’t flexed those muscles in so long that I think they are pretty withered. I’m working on brushing up French and improving my Hebrew. I took a little Japanese and took well to it, and would love to pick that back up, too. Slow but steady. Slow but steady.

PM: If you were to write a master’s thesis today, what would it be about?

AG: Percieved value of ritual and of symbols in various religious cultures, I think.

PM: If you had to pick an affliction you might have and diagnose yourself with it, what would it be?

AG: I have suspected for years that I have a little touch of spatial-visual synesthesia with ordinal things– days of the week, months, years, numbers. But, I think it’s far more of a creative asset than a hindrance of any kind, though, so I’m hesitant to categorize that as an affliction.

PM: What are you reading audiences like?

AG: Supportive and lively. It usually takes a little time to warm people up to the idea of throwing paper and shouting things during readings, but I think I’ve found a good balance of audience participation, audience comfort but then not taking away too much focus from the material.

PM: If you had to sit in a room with President George W. Bush for an afternoon, what would you want to ask him about?

AG: I’d ask him, “What’s a little money if it helps people?” Then, I would say, “Forgive my rudeness, but how do I get out of this room faster– the door or the window?”

Well done. I thank my guest, Amy Guth for coming by today and wish her well with her book, “Three Fallen Women“. And, if you don’t already have a copy, I suggest you click right here and order one, straight from the publisher today!

Pretty maids, indeed.

I’m having a situation. I have this big fucking awesome scar from my forehead, over my brow and eyelid and down my cheek from a wreck a long time ago. For this interview, the editor has been kind and supportive about letting me decided what I want to do in the way of a pic in my bio, but I want to keep having writing gigs, so I’m eventually going to have to get a picture to use and, therefore, might as well do it now. Hmmm… I am mulling it over.